Respect the Phase Out

“What kind of girl, busy or not, texts this little? Screw you too.”

That was the response I got after I sent my latest version of the “I’m flattered BUT…” text. (I edited his response for spelling and grammar)

I put my phone down. “Well guys-he didn’t take that very well.”

In defense, I’m not a big texter. Ask my best friends. But I admit I was avoiding the guy… A string of really eager text messages were giving me the creeps. When I say I’m busy this weekend it means I’m busy this weekend. Please don’t question how many hours I’m working on a Sunday and insist on picking me up from work.

But anyways here’s how I got told “Screw you” this week:

For the first time ever I got asked out by a guy in public where no alcohol was involved.

“Do you have a minute? Are you single?”

Um, yes.

“This might be weird but I saw you walk by and thought you were really cute and was wondering if I could get your phone number?”

I really appreciated his boldness! And I definitely didn’t want to discourage him from being that confident in the future. He was cute, polite, kind of nervous…So I said yes. And I was even planning on going on a date with him until he questioned my busy-ness and then proceeded to text me 5 times in a row asking why I hadn’t responded.

I thought about never texting him again.

But I really appreciate honesty and felt sort of guilty for leaving the guy hanging, so I sent a polite yet straight message back explaining that I was flattered and thought more guys should do what he had done, but that I wasn’t interested in meeting up anymore.

Maybe I deserved to be told to screw off. I don’t know. But here’s my question: Would you rather be given the honest truth, or would you rather be phased out?

When I showed my neighbor Janine the string of text messages I had from him and my few responses she thought I had been pretty clear. “Dude. Respect the phase out.”

But I’m a believer in the truth setting you free! One time, many years ago, I sent my ex boyfriend a really sincere apology. I let that guy love me for way too long knowing that deep down I didn’t feel the same. And so I told him so in more or less words.

At first he was f*cking pissed to say the least.

But, less than 24 hours later, he thanked me for my honesty. He knew that it must have been hard for me to say those things but now that he knew the whole truth he could actually let me go.

See? Truth=freedom.

But I have more questions. What are the rules around this form of honesty being in person versus writing? How long do you have to date someone for before you can’t get away with an “it’s not you it’s me” text?

Because not that long ago I sent a guy I was dating a message explaining that I didn’t see things going any further for me blah blah blah blah…. And he responded so well!

He appreciated my text message so much that he even recycled it.

Shortly after me he was seeing a girl for 1.5 weeks when he decided that he didn’t want to date her. So he literally copied and pasted what I had said to him and sent it to her.


That didn’t go over very well.

Apparently there is another blogess out there who occasionally writes about boys and breakups. My ex took me out for dinner last week (See? Truth=freedom=friendship) and showed me this girls post about him.

Sure enough there were my break-up words verbatim.

“Wow, you literally didn’t change a word eh?”

“Nope!” he said cheerfully. “Your message was perfect; polite but straight. I got the point.”

This girls blog went on and on about how inconsiderate he had been; her main point, as it seemed to me, was that she REALLY didn’t like that he had said those things over text.

So sometimes we like honesty, but only if it’s delivered in person. And other times we’d rather not have honesty, just a string of text messages that slowly die.

Breakup etiquette. Yet another set of rules I don’t understand. What would you rather? Honesty or phase out?

Choose your poison. Chances are neither will go down good.